"Coming out as bisexual my junior year of college felt as if a huge weight was off my shoulders," remembers A.J. Walkley, 29, of Phoenix, author of Queer Greer. But her announcement to her campus's LGBT group fell flat. "There was a lot of bi phobia within the group," Walkley says. "There's this idea that bisexuals have control over their emotions and enter into relationships with one gender or another when it suits them. As a group, we get thrown by the wayside and forgotten about."
Of the 3.5 percent of adults in the U.S. who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual, more than half of them are bi. Yet many say they feel misunderstood or judged. The belief that bisexuality is "just a phase" is only one of the common prejudices. Also, "men expect us to have no sexual boundaries," Walkley says. When these assumptions are combined with other prejudices against bisexual women — they can't be monogamous, they don't want to "make up their minds," they're into kinky sexual experimentation — it puts them at risk for some dangerous health problems.
1. Depression
While there are, of course, plenty of happy, healthy bisexuals, as a group, they are more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety than straight or gay women, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office on Women's Health. They also have higher rates of alcoholism and suicidal thoughts. "Bi women often face hostility from both the straight and gay communities," says Mimi Hoang, Ph.D., a psychologist in LA. "[This leads] many bi women to develop their sexual identities in isolation, causing confusion and hopelessness." Painful feelings can be a gateway for drug and alcohol abuse as well as depression and anxiety. Left untreated, all these can seriously affect your work and relationships.
What to Do: Find peer support on BiNetUSA.org or its Facebook group. If you have trouble getting through your day or feel unhappy most of the time, consider seeing a professional. BiZone.org offers a directory of bi-aware therapists across the country, and your school or community LGBT center is a good resource for locating a therapist specializing in bisexual issues.
2. Violence
An alarming 61 percent of bisexual women have experienced rape, physical violence, and stalking by an intimate partner — compared with 44 percent of lesbians and 35 percent of heterosexual women — according to new research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Although the report didn't explore why this happens, the study authors suspect it's due to prejudiced people acting on misconceptions and fears about people who aren't like them.
What to Do: Know that you're not to blame for the abuse — your partner's behavior is on him or her. If you're in an abusive relationship with a man or a woman, visit TheHotline.org or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. They can help you create a plan to remove yourself from the relationship safely.
3. STIs
A woman's sexual orientation does not put her at higher risk for STIs — the risk depends on her sexual behaviors. However, young adults who identify as bisexual are more likely to report having had sex for the first time before age 16, according to a recent study. And people who are sexually active as teenagers have a higher rate of STIs, which can raise the risk for cervical cancer and infertility.
What to Do: Practice safe sex no matter who you're with. Use condoms for vaginal and anal sex and dental dams for oral sex, and wash sex toys according to the manufacturer's instructions after each use, says Jennifer Potter, M.D., director of women's health programs at Fenway Health in Boston.
4. Sub-Par Health Care
Bisexual women are much less likely than lesbians to tell their doctors about their sexual orientation, with nearly 33 percent of bisexual women reporting they didn't talk to their doctors about it, versus 13 percent of lesbians, according to a recent study in the journal Sexuality Research and Social Policy. If your doctor doesn't know about your sexual orientation, then she doesn't know how best to care for you — including ensuring your safety by asking questions about relationship violence, screening you for STIs, and gauging the status of your mental health. Preventative screenings help find problems before they become serious.
What to Do: Speak to your gynecologist about your sexual orientation. "If you feel nervous opening up, look for clues that your doctor is bi-friendly," says Dr. Potter. Does she generally ask questions that are open-ended and nonjudgmental? Does she avoid assumptions about your partner being male or female? These are both good signs.
4 Ways to Really Help a Bi Friend
Respect and sensitivity go a long way.
1. Say, "I'm not going anywhere." Promise her your loyalty and friendship, no matter how she defines herself.
2. Don't say, "You'll figure things out." Know that she's not in a phase, confused, or on a stopover between straight and lesbian.
3. Don't say, "How can you be bi if you have a boyfriend?" Her feelings are real, whether she's with men, women, or both.
4. Say, "Tell me what I should know." Learn how to support and understand your friend with resources like BiResource.net.
Of the 3.5 percent of adults in the U.S. who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual, more than half of them are bi. Yet many say they feel misunderstood or judged. The belief that bisexuality is "just a phase" is only one of the common prejudices. Also, "men expect us to have no sexual boundaries," Walkley says. When these assumptions are combined with other prejudices against bisexual women — they can't be monogamous, they don't want to "make up their minds," they're into kinky sexual experimentation — it puts them at risk for some dangerous health problems.
1. Depression
While there are, of course, plenty of happy, healthy bisexuals, as a group, they are more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety than straight or gay women, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office on Women's Health. They also have higher rates of alcoholism and suicidal thoughts. "Bi women often face hostility from both the straight and gay communities," says Mimi Hoang, Ph.D., a psychologist in LA. "[This leads] many bi women to develop their sexual identities in isolation, causing confusion and hopelessness." Painful feelings can be a gateway for drug and alcohol abuse as well as depression and anxiety. Left untreated, all these can seriously affect your work and relationships.
What to Do: Find peer support on BiNetUSA.org or its Facebook group. If you have trouble getting through your day or feel unhappy most of the time, consider seeing a professional. BiZone.org offers a directory of bi-aware therapists across the country, and your school or community LGBT center is a good resource for locating a therapist specializing in bisexual issues.
2. Violence
An alarming 61 percent of bisexual women have experienced rape, physical violence, and stalking by an intimate partner — compared with 44 percent of lesbians and 35 percent of heterosexual women — according to new research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Although the report didn't explore why this happens, the study authors suspect it's due to prejudiced people acting on misconceptions and fears about people who aren't like them.
What to Do: Know that you're not to blame for the abuse — your partner's behavior is on him or her. If you're in an abusive relationship with a man or a woman, visit TheHotline.org or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. They can help you create a plan to remove yourself from the relationship safely.
3. STIs
A woman's sexual orientation does not put her at higher risk for STIs — the risk depends on her sexual behaviors. However, young adults who identify as bisexual are more likely to report having had sex for the first time before age 16, according to a recent study. And people who are sexually active as teenagers have a higher rate of STIs, which can raise the risk for cervical cancer and infertility.
What to Do: Practice safe sex no matter who you're with. Use condoms for vaginal and anal sex and dental dams for oral sex, and wash sex toys according to the manufacturer's instructions after each use, says Jennifer Potter, M.D., director of women's health programs at Fenway Health in Boston.
4. Sub-Par Health Care
Bisexual women are much less likely than lesbians to tell their doctors about their sexual orientation, with nearly 33 percent of bisexual women reporting they didn't talk to their doctors about it, versus 13 percent of lesbians, according to a recent study in the journal Sexuality Research and Social Policy. If your doctor doesn't know about your sexual orientation, then she doesn't know how best to care for you — including ensuring your safety by asking questions about relationship violence, screening you for STIs, and gauging the status of your mental health. Preventative screenings help find problems before they become serious.
What to Do: Speak to your gynecologist about your sexual orientation. "If you feel nervous opening up, look for clues that your doctor is bi-friendly," says Dr. Potter. Does she generally ask questions that are open-ended and nonjudgmental? Does she avoid assumptions about your partner being male or female? These are both good signs.
4 Ways to Really Help a Bi Friend
Respect and sensitivity go a long way.
1. Say, "I'm not going anywhere." Promise her your loyalty and friendship, no matter how she defines herself.
2. Don't say, "You'll figure things out." Know that she's not in a phase, confused, or on a stopover between straight and lesbian.
3. Don't say, "How can you be bi if you have a boyfriend?" Her feelings are real, whether she's with men, women, or both.
4. Say, "Tell me what I should know." Learn how to support and understand your friend with resources like BiResource.net.
